dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
