I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
