Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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