I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
