Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
