would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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