She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize