The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
