Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
