The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
