I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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