I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
