Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
