It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
