Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i need some magic done to my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
