Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
