You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
