my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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