I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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