and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
