Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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