i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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