made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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