I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
