I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm passing your future prison.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
