What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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