So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
