yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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