We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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