Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
