what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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