I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
