Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
