Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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