I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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