I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize