It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
