I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
