Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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