dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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