And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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