Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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