Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
