When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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