C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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