Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Too much gin, very little bucket
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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