our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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