thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
