Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
