sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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