Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
