I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
