As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Holy sore nipples Batman
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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