the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
