Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
