even my farts smell like vagina
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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