his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
