Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
