he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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