I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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