I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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