that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
