ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
