I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
