just tell him i said nine months
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
