Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
