i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
