i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
