Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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