when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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