I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
